I said I wouldn't write.

I said I wouldn't write, and I really meant it.

I planned to journal instead.

I planned to not have a shared space that could have been taken as manipulation ever again.

But I just came across your video at global that I took of you. You were pretty drunk so you might not remember. And I just fucking broke down. It felt like my heart just got ripped out of my chest. And even that night everything went so fucking south.

And yet, as I just cried all I said out loud was that I fucking love her. I loved her, I love her, and I will always love her no matter what. Even when that day wasn't anything close to perfect I still think fondly hearing your voice, seeing your smile, and seeing you.

I know I loved her so, so deeply. And maybe that's where my peace is coming from. Being so aligned with my heart no matter the other factors that come into play. What our minds tell us, what our emotions were, what we hear.

I plan on journaling during my trip and then meeting with Amanda, but this still means so much to me even though I know I'll never reach out to you again to respect you. And then one day Im going to have this massive letter here pouring everything out. One random day it'll be here.

Just like this random night where my heart sunk. I thought a week with my friends and family would help but the truth is nothing feels like it'll ever get rid of this place in my heart with Hnin. Thank you God for letting me have her as part of my life. Thank you so much.