Hi again.

Yeah, there's always going to be a gaping whole in my heart from this that I'm not sure can ever be filled. Matter of fact I'm not sure if I ever want it to be filled if I keep coming here.

I told myself I'd delete this after my birthday, but I can't bring myself to it. Guess I'm not strong enough to rid myself of all of this.

I was driving the other day and thought how lucky I was that you got to read all of this. Cause matter of fact Aung wrote you just as much with probably just as much love, you just never got to see it. I was the one lucky enough to be able to keep writing to you when you were away.

My therapy ends today. As I begin to look for something to help strengthen my family together I plan to step away from therapy with Amanda. I guess my focus is now shifting toward the inner relationships of people who have always been in my life challenging all of us to grow and understand things differently. So family therapy is the next step to help my parents decide our path now.

I hope that one day I get to sit with you and tell you about everything in life. I still have so much hope even though there is nothing left between us. I still have so much hope that in the red string theory. That no matter where life takes us, with whoever, to whereever, there's a string that connects us. Alyssa mentioned that she never seen two people try so hard together and knows that we both wanted it more than anything.

Anyways, one of the last things I told Amanda was that I'm so lucky. For use to always care for each other. For us to have loved each other. For anything of you in my life. I love you so much and am so thankful. That might be the only thing that helps me move each day.