Art of Noticing/Can't stop
Updated: Oct 31
I can't get rid of your letter, I can't stop writing, I can't accept that my feelings for you isn't true. I love you.
So I will now be trying something different, a blog post. I've been practicing something new known as the art of noticing. Before you came into the car I journaled about the black cat in front of my car, the sound of water dripping, the warmth on my feet. Moments I want to feel grounded away from all the dopamine distractions to really feel what I feel.
Then you came into the car and in the moment I noticed the texture of your pants, the breeze through the window the sound of your voice, and the gloss on your eyes, along with the texture of your hoodie strings as you looped them.
Originally I came to see you with anxiousness, but then I saw you with peace. I sit and talk to you and everything around me goes away. When we sit and talk about the things we talk about in our personal lives it seems that the world disappears. We've talked about so many things in life and to hear you stumble on words, to hear you laugh at something you think is funny that you felt/did, to hear how you felt and thought others felt. And then to just watch how your body reacts to your story being told. For some reason I've always been so hyper fixated on you.
Not just in the sense of what you say because sometimes we don't see eye to eye on the world, but something about you. I've never been so at ease just observing someone and then to see your face smile and laugh as a through a snowball at the window just melted my hear. And yes, I still smelled the top of your head smelling very like you and asian.
This post was to write about the way I see you. Of course you are the most beautiful girl in my eyes and someone who I'm extremely attracted to, but outside of that there are so much more details that seem mundane to the rest of the world but will forever captivate me no matter how many times I see it. Everyone knows you are beautiful and sexy. That's what all guys will see when they see you, but the tiniest things is something I feel that I will forever alone hold dear.