There was a before you, a during you, but I never imagined an after you.
I knew one day you'd stop loving me. I knew one day you'd let go and move on. I think that's what I was scared of the most to sit there alone still loving you while you no longer loved me. You are still my home. My person. I never really imagined anything past you. I kind of made that decision in my head the days I was safe in your arms. In bed with Tayto. I still get this inner turmoil of pain, frustration, sadness, happiness, everything with you moving on with someone I knew was an issue from the moment you met him at the casino. Our friends told me about it immediately. This is why I was always scared to be abandoned the way I was. But it's okay. But its okay.
It really is. I always wanted to love you to the point of always supporting you. Like the conditional love of a parent, a best friend, I guess that older brother you always wanted. The thing is you always told me how you wanted an older brother. Maybe even more so than a relationship. And maybe my love for that even extends beyond that of someone temporary in your life. I decided in the past I will always be apart of your life no matter what. HOLY CRAP IM CRYING. I havent cried about this in a while. But maybe its the realization that I will love you like this no matter what in any way I can. Like I said before, the purest form of this.
PS ADD ON: you did warn me about this. you said you couldnt have platonic guy friends close to you because you end up dating them or talking and michael was a good show of it. Im good at having platonic relationships with girls and thats how you know I will love you no matter what even if youre with michael. I fucking hate that kid from all the things everyone says about him, but not you.
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